time passing

i find myself entering into my seventh year as a
single
24/7 solo
mother and complete woman.

this existence is one which i only wanted to be a stage

now it has become my life.

I'm happy. even though society says i shouldn't be.

my sweet mum passed away last week. i may die just like that.
cancer taking me out. This is my Life and Time is passing so fast.

My children are growing so fast, and without a father participating in their lives.
the disappointment has haunted me. the struggles worn me old. the isolation saddened me.

Yet.

my children are growing with Love.

a different yet very much the same Love as my mum gave me.

I am very blessed to have had an amazing mother

to my beautiful children whom i love

Orange Sky dream for a lost hippi child

oh, i want summer again,
this time with long hair,
a surfboard on a vw combi
and a hunky man to join me...

boy..never even lived that dream..
with all the crap of life, ive forgotten
who i am
my surfer roots, my love for the ocean
and ive never shared that with my boys
or any lover
could i create it with two little boys too?

could i ever be myself with a man who could know me and get me for who i am?

if only life was an endless summer.


Sister Golden Air: Orange Skies: "Music: Love - Alone Again Or It's about time I brought some music to this blog! One of my all-time favourite bands is Lo..."

'downloading man software' -Ian Grant

bit dissapointed there is no big brother operating in Auckland
Scouts here we come.
because Poppa cant be there every week.

its still just as hard

parenting alone

two boys with no father

you get used to one stage, then another comes along

discipline is hard

when alone and struggling in oneself.

and the judgments

are so unfair yet justified in the realm of parenting.

good for you

No Rubbish for a year

the truth is a modest urban life produces far too much rubbish every week.

Like a lot of other 70's children I've always been concerned about rubbish, recycling and doing my bit for the planet
but more than ever I'm overwhelmed with the rubbish i produce. There seems to be nothing i can do.
Disgusted.
things have to change...but how? realistically how on earth do we stop it.

my groceries for this week;

1kg gluten free bread mix. nz made. plastic bag.
100g cream of tartar.packed in nz. plastic bag in card box
400g currants/1kg sultanas. packed in nz.plastic bags.
50 iceblock sticks. birchwood made in china. plastic bag w card
Ground almonds. 4x70g. packed in nz. 4 plastic bags.
125ml natural vanilla essence.packd in nz. plastic bottle.
250g biscuits. nz made. printed plastic tinfoil wrap.
loaves of bread. nz made. plastic bags. plastic tye.
3x185g tuna in sauce. made in thailand. in can in cardbox.
1 ltr extra virgin olive oil. made in italy. in glass bottle.
Chi'i drink 1.25ltr. made in nz. plastic bottle.
1ltr apple juice. made in nz. plastic bottle.
6x rice milk 1ltr. made in australia. plastic card box w plastic lid.
spaghetti 500g. made in australia. plastic wrap.
250ml handwash. made in nz. plastic container with pump.
white vinegar. made in nz. plastic bottle
2 minute noodles. made in indonesia. plastic wrapsx5, cover plastic wrap.
750g arborio rice. made in australia. plastic bag.
sushi roller mat. made in china. plastic bag.
150ml sesame oil. made in singapore. glass bottle.
150ml soy sauce. made in japan. glass bottle.
10 sheets of sushi nori. made in china. plastic wrap.
500g natural muesli. made in nz. bin put in plastic bag myself
500g pork chops. nz made. plastic wrap on polystyrene dish
2x 500g beef sausages. nz made. 2 x plastic wrap on polystyrene dish
bunch of bobby bananas. from philippines. plastic bag
2 x avacados. nz grown. NO packaging!
an eggplant. nz grown. NO packaging!
1.5kg organic apples. nz grown. plastic bag.
chrome whisk. made in china. cardboard back and 2 plastic tyes.
200g hummus. made in nz. plastic container and foil.
2x 400g pizzas. made in nz. plastic dish and cover.
loose doughnut. made in nz. paper bag.

and one french chardonnay in an exquisite bottle, that i will reuse as a water tanker.:)

so the wine and loose veges are the only thing i can sleep easy with.

HELP!

I recycle every bit of tin, plastic and glass i consume the contents of, but thats still a rubbish bag fill a week and its still rubbish even if its not going to landfill.